I am one month into my efforts to go without caffeine, and it sucks.

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What started as a challenge from my friend turned into a personal mission to break my coffee addiction. I love drinking coffee. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad habit, either. But I didn’t want to be reliant on that cup of joe to get me through the day.

In the past few months, my need for caffeine had become a major inconvenience. I quite literally needed coffee to make it through the morning. And it wasn’t a peaceful, sipping-my-coffee-as-I-watch-the-sunrise ritual, either. It was a chugging-my-thermos-as-I-drive-to-work-still-half-asleep kind of thing. Less relaxed, more haphazard.

This reflected in my attitude, too. Mornings weren’t a gift from God, but something to get through. My day started in an overtired, unhappy state of mind. Even when I treated myself to an iced coffee, which I loved, it wasn’t a luxury so much as fuel I felt I needed to manage the day.

I’m trying to be more mindful about what I consume. These efforts started with a week of vegetarianism and have now culminated in my caffeine-free month. And it’s difficult.

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Even though this intentionality has obvious positive affects on my mood and outlook on life, it’s hard, and it irritates me. It turns out that taking care of yourself really does make you feel better, and that makes me as bitter as black coffee.

Because that’s the thing — I do feel better. I used to be guilty of skipping breakfast and replacing that energy with the artificial boost of caffeine; now that I actually eat in the morning, I’m more energetic and feel less nauseous throughout the day. I drink more water. My mornings are more pleasant without the scramble to attain and consume caffeine.

It’s challenging to do good things for yourself. As odd as it sounds — why wouldn’t you want to take care of yourself and feel better? — I have a feeling that at least some of you reading this understand what I mean. Making the right decision every day can be overwhelming.

And there are so many rules to taking care of yourself. Do this, don’t do this. Coffee is good for you one week until the next study comes out and says it’s poisonous. It’s hard to make the right choice every time!

But I’m not trying to make the right decision every time, just most of the time. I still enjoy the occasional cup of coffee, and I still eat meat and don’t exercise enough and generally make a lot of mistakes. That’s okay. We’re getting there.

And in the meantime, if I can break one bad habit — and, in the past month, I’ve proven I can — then who knows what else I can do?

But if you have any advice, please share it. I'm still craving the caffeine, and all tips are appreciated.

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